The Unspoken Rules of Dating & Sex.

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Warning: naughty language ahead!

When I was married, I used to sympathetically listen to all of my single friends complain about how hard it was to meet someone decent that they wanted to date.

When they actually did meet someone they were into, it seemed to be endless drama about all of the rules, mind games and general mind reading needed tofigure out where the relationship was going or if they wanted it to go anywhere at all.

I cant tell you how often Id say to my husband after they left, Thank God Im not out there anymore

Except now Im back out there.

I am fiercely independent, so being single again actually didnt bother me so much. Being a single mom wasnt high on my list, but being without someone in my bed, eh I didnt really care.

That lasted maybe three monthsthe not wanting someone in my bed.

So I opened myself to the dating world:hesitant, not really all in, but at least open to it.



I quickly learned that there are a whole lot of unspoken rules to dating and sex these days.Ones I wasnt sure I liked. And as much as youll hear me say, Im too old for this shit, I am gradually accepting that these so-called rules exist and those of us in the dating world are actually following them for some bizarre reason.

So we meet someone we like, we exchange numbers and the games begin! Here are some of the rules Ive recently learned and personally think are total bullshit:

1. Thethree-day rule:

You need to wait at least three days to get in touch with the person you had a date with.



Why we think its important: we dont want to look desperate or appear that were actually into someone. I mean, God forbid, lets not reveal any feelings we may have. Instead, we hold off and play it cool to make ourselves seem a little more mysterious and non-attached.

Why this is bullshit: Were not being authenticwhich I never think is a great way to start a relationship, even a casual one. And arent we too old to still be playing these games with each other?

2. The texting rule:

There are two parts to this rule:

#1: You have to wait three days to send a text or you may seem needy or too interested.

#2: If you send a text message, and the other person does not respond, you shouldnt send another message until the person responds to the first one.

Why people follow the rule: breaking this rule makes you look too eager and trying to move the relationship along too quickly. Supposedly, texting twice in a row indicates youre a little too into someone, and that is not good.

Why this is bullshit: If you had a great date with someone and youre interested in them, why would you wait to get in contact with them again? I think we run the risk here of giving someone the opposite message that we want.



When I dont hear from someone within two days of a date, I question whether theyre into me. And once I feel I have to start playing this game, I lose interest fast. My take: if you enjoyed your time with someone, and you want to see them again, send a flirty text or give them a call to say you had a great time. It doesnt make hot blonds to fuck you look eager. It makes you look up front and honest.

3. The waiting at least three dates until you have sex rule:

You dont want to give it away so easily or the other person will lose interest fast. And they might also think you sleep with everyone you go out on a date with.

Why people follow the rule: people wait a while to sleep with someone for a number of reasons. They want to get to know the person better. They want this to be more than a casual hook up relationship. Or they just dont want to come off like theyre a total slut or man whore.

Why this is bullshit: Sometimes the chemistry is there, youre both into each other, and were all adults. So having sex on the first or second date just happens. I dont think we need to feel guilty or be slut shamed for this. See Amber Roses recent Walk of Shame Video if youre having any doubts.

4. The were-not-exclusive-until-we-say-were-exclusive rule:

Dont ever assume the person you are dating or sleeping with is only dating and sleeping with you.

Why people follow the rule: if we dont know where the relationship is going, we dont like to close off all of our other options. And we do tend to be a bit cynical in the beginning and fear were going to lose interest in the person or the person is going to lose interest in us. So we keep a few other people warm.

Why this is bullshit: I cant say this rule is unfair. I personally dont like dating more than one person at a time and Im definitely not going to sleep with more than one people at a time because that just doesnt feel right to me, but Im learning there are lots of people out there who find this perfectly acceptable. So Ive just learned to not make assumptions.

5. Thetimed-text-back rule:

Im guilty of feeling I have to follow this rule. This is the time it takes for you to respond to someones text message. It should be equivalent or approximate to the time you waited for their text message.

Why people follow the rule: its a stupid game. The idea being, I waited for you to get back to me and now youll wait for me since I dont want it to seem like I was waiting by my phone for you to text me back.

Why this is bullshit: Again, its just not being authentic. Lets be honest. Most of the time, we all have our phones on us and we get text messages as soon as they come in. If its someone we arent trying to seduce into liking us, we respond right back. When its someone were interested in, we get a little giddy and then play the wait gameso it seems were a little hard to get.

The truth is, every one of these rules have never been spoken out loud but they exist. In the end, the right person is the one you dont have to play games with to begin with. They are the ones who will call you right after a date to tell you what a great time they had, send you as many text messages as they feel like, and sleep with you whenever they feel that connection with no judgment.

And isnt that what were all ultimately looking for?

Relephant:

Bonus:

Author:Dina Strada

Editor: Cat Beekmans

Photo: couscouschocolat/Flickr

About Dina Strada

Dina Strada is an Event Planner, writer and Intuitive Counselor and Coach, passionate about expanding consciousness and helping others connect with their true selves and live their lifes purpose.A graduate of Boston College and Coach U, shes a recovering perfectionist, single mom of two spunky small people, and still a Jersey Girl at heart. To quiet the chaos that goes on in her overachieving head, she practices yoga and meditation daily and drinks lots of red wine.You can connect with Dina via her website, onFacebook, Twitter, or read more of her writing on her blog, Powerthrusister.

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The four Pitfalls You should Steer clear of When Writing Your On the web Dating Profile

Copyright 2006 Jayne Parke

Writing a great on the web Dating Profile requires just a little time and work and completed correctly can bring a continuous stream of Sneak a peek at this site prospective quality dates. It is critical to pay focus for the information when writing your profile and keep away from the following 4 pitfalls at all fees, as these can usually make the difference to your dating knowledge and to the good quality of responses you get.

1. The Copycat Pitfall.

I am sure that you just will agree when I say that this can be one of the most frequent pitfalls that hundreds have fallen into. How several numerous profiles sound exactly the same? Some are almost identical. Why? Could it be due to the fact people do not know what to say? Or could it be that some dating internet sites who give profile writing advice tell their members to appear at other profiles just before they create their own? Has this unintentionally resulted within the copycat impact? Who knows?

What ever the reason, its critical for you personally to be as unique as youll be able to. There is only 1 you. No two individuals will be the exact same, which implies your personal advertisements shouldnt be precisely the same either. You must steer clear of getting stereotyped at all expenses. This way, you make a unique claim on your ad. And also you make your individuality much more visible.

two. The Private Adjective Pitfall.

Some individuals in order to describe themselves make use of the exact same old individual adjectives that dont truly say anything; you realize exactly the same old generic stuff that could apply to half the population: "I am an sincere, creative, funny person"

When describing oneself, where possible show your unique qualities by emphasizing them within the way you create your ad. For example, instead of writing: "I am a funny witty person." Create your ad utilizing your own humorous style.

Individuals are funny in distinct ways; you need to choose the way to show your sense of humor in a way that is certainly your very own. You need to differentiate yourself from the other folks.

Should you are an individual thats able to produce witty comments about themselves, go for it - it constantly acts as a turn on. You understand the best portion about humor. It constantly operates. It sells like a billion dollars.

In the event you are a inventive particular person then create creatively along with the reader will see your creativity. Dont create "I am intelligent" Just write your ad appropriately, make sure it reads nicely, and it has no grammatical errors. Do not inform them. Show them. Listen, I"m not telling you by no means to make use of private adjectives in your profile, I"m just saying use them wisely and sparingly. Use action words exactly where applicable.

The other point I wish to make is employing nothing but "Is" inside your profile: writing too numerous "I like", " I am", "I want" and "I donts" could portray you as a selfish particular person, someone who only focuses on themselves; this isnt eye-catching and surely not great selling point.

Bear in mind the reader is just not just interested in you. They wish to know why they should speak to you. Give them a cause. Never just talk about oneself, involve them.

3. The Negativity Pitfall.

Have a look at the following sentences and see which 1 is a lot more eye-catching and appealing to you:

"Ive been dreading this for ages. To tell the truth, I am fed up with individuals and dating web sites. " Or "Ive discovered that youll find some great individuals on-line, and I am really excited to meet them."

The first a single is written by somebody who certainly features a unfavorable attitude! Would you need to date this particular person? Negativity is really a main turn-off. Steer clear of anything damaging. Individuals never respond effectively to negativity.

Never contain something negative within your profile, despite the fact that at occasions it seems less difficult to think about what you dont want or dont like. Just rephrase it to into a optimistic. Transform your weaknesses into fine points. Or better yet, make your weak points quite subtle. Concentrate a lot more on your finer qualities.

So instead of employing phrases like: "Im mostly a loner, with only a few buddies and I definitely hate the noisy overcrowded bar scene" Say "Im a http://datingtips.match.com/ accurate person with distinctive genuine qualities, whose social interests differ from gathering intimately using a small group of pals to quiet nights in with my preferred author"

The concept is usually to take your fearful negative thoughts and alter them into optimistic and good ones. Be upbeat, optimistic and have fun writing your profile, other individuals are considerably more likely to have fun reading it.

4. The Writing For everybody Pitfall.

One particular misconception about writing a personal ad is that you should write for an audience. This can be silly, I mean ask your self: Do I truly need to date the audience? In the event you do, go for it. But probably, you just want to meet the one. You know, your ideal partner.

You should create like you might be talking towards the one person you desire to meet. Make it private to them. Write in such a way that makes them really feel that youre genuinely speaking to him/her. Remember that you are NOT hunting to achieve hundreds of responses; you are seeking to obtain top quality responses from these that you are enthusiastic about and would be attracted to.

Youll want to write your profile differently according to no matter whether you happen to be looking to get a casual or serious partnership. Clearly, within a casual connection you are just hunting for some exciting. Go ahead, theres nothing at all incorrect with that, provided that your profile tends to make it clear exactly where you happen to be coming from. You do not wish to mislead people.

There might be trouble when a single person is in for some thing far more severe along with the other is into sheer hedonism and exciting! So you need to definitely make your intentions clear in the commence. Undertaking this automatically weeds out those that dont match the bill for you, consequently saving you hours of time which enables you to concentrate your efforts on those that do interest you.

Your dating accomplishment may be accomplished by paying focus to the information. This can make each of the difference. Excellent Luck and have fun!

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Finding the very best Net Dating Sites

As a busy specialist using a demanding profession and thoughts of going to grad college, I simply do not have time for you to go available and try to meet guys. I have by no means been all that huge on the singles bar scene or the type of individuals that frequent these places, to ensure that method is not a viable selection for me. Nonetheless, I do get lonely and occasionally long for someone to speak to and laugh with on Saturday nights when everybody else is out on dates. When a buddy of mine initial recommended trying Web dating websites, I immediately declined, but now Im obtaining second thoughts.

Ive done some checking, as well as a handful of Net dating internet sites available are extremely reputable as far as delivering excellent benefits for customers. Naturally, a substantial quantity of these kinds of websites are worthless for potential daters that are significant about obtaining a mate, so I decided to begin making a checklist to help determine what tends to make for any excellent online matchmaking service. Right here will be the results of my hugely informal survey.

Very first, Ive learned that a great deal of World wide web dating websites cater to a specific sort of client. For instance, there are personals sites especially for single parents, twenty-somethings, the over-50 crowd, Christians, and much more. So if youre not possessing any luck around the catch-all Net dating internet sites, you might desire to narrow your scope to focus on a particular group of people that appeals to you essentially the most.

One more issue that can help you predict regardless of whether or not certain Internet dating web sites will likely be effective for you would be to examine how several active profiles are available just Recommended Web page before you join. A few of these sites get comparatively couple of visits and therefore wouldnt really be worth your time. Alternatively, a lot of Web dating internet sites have tens of a large number of members (some even boast of memberships of a million or a lot more), which obviously gives you a far better possibility of finding correct really like -- or at least a superb date!

Additionally, I consider its crucial to try to determine the general intent of members on a particular singles website. Some of these places are frequented by these seeking for long-term relationships, while other folks are clearly geared towards these looking for short-term hookups. Just make certain you know what you happen to be obtaining into ahead of you take the plunge.

And ultimately, check about for what other buyers have stated concerning the World wide web dating websites that you desire to join. You will find lots of on the internet critiques of those areas from previous or existing participants, which should offer you a fairly excellent notion of what you are able to anticipate out of your own expertise using a certain web site. If other daters are obtaining very good success using a site, then it is most likely ok to sign up. If they report damaging experiences, nonetheless, theres no explanation to count on that your time on the website would turn out any diverse.

Soon after undertaking this bit of investigation, I am truly searching forward to attempting out a couple of on the most common Web dating sites available. Plenty of other folks have found the perfect mate via these websites, so that indicates I can as well!

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Advantages Of Online Casual Dating Solutions

In these past couple of years the trend in Casual Dating from all over the world has changed drastically. Individuals searching to meet folks never pick to line up in queues anymore, to make an effort to get in to the hottest locations. Seldom will they be noticed hanging out in pubs and bars, wanting to catch a glimpse of potential hook-ups.

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A web based Casual Dating service is essentially a community of people that gather with each other to interact, socialize, and make close friends with one another. You will find a lot of online Casual Dating solutions on the net.

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In these previous handful of years the trend in Casual Dating from all over the world has changed drastically. Individuals looking to meet folks dont select to line up in queues anymore, to try to get into the hottest areas. Seldom will they be seen hanging out in pubs and bars, attempting to catch a glimpse of prospective hook-ups.

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A web-based Casual Dating service is basically a community of people who gather collectively to interact, socialize, and make pals with one another. You will find plenty of on-line Casual Dating services online.

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The very first Steps to Dating On the web

For a lot of newcomers taking the initial step into online dating might be daunting. With all the on the web dating services which can be available now, how do you choose which can be ideal for you personally? How do you get began? Whats the most effective approach for messaging? What do you put inside a profile? How do you guarantee your personal safety? What would be the very best methods for profitable on-line dating? These are just a couple of in the questions new online daters face all of the time. But with a bit of guidance, virtually everyone can locate success in on-line dating. Right here are a few brief suggestions:

One on the most important things for newcomers to dating online is which service to utilize. The initial step in creating this selection is usually to decide the particular needs that needs to be met by the dating service, and locate web sites that cater to those requirements. As an example, while some dating solutions cater especially to casual encounters, some are created to create matches for critical relationships only, while several target individuals who are seeking particularly for a person to start an affair with. Other critical items to search for are value. For many folks just starting out, totally free websites is usually a great introduction for the on the internet dating planet that does not involve a economic commitment. It is also a good thought to browse around and see in the event the members that are already signed up for the internet site share comparable tastes and interests.

Once an internet dating service is selected, its time to get began on making a profile. Needless to say, profiles are an incredibly important portion of on-line dating. Members of on the internet dating services learn about one another, and make a decision if they desire to introduce themselves, according to the details inside a profile. Because of this, its crucial to make a optimistic, truthful impression by maintaining the details light and inviting. An excellent rule of thumb is always to stay away from any adverse details in a profile whatsoever. Probably the most crucial thing to consist of in a profile is really a clear, smiling picture that focuses on the members face.

After completing a profile, customers can start off messaging other members. The crucial to messaging is usually to make messages personable, friendly, and make it evident that the profile on the individual becoming sent the message has been read. Its critical to create the recipient really feel as though the message sender is actually considering them, as an alternative to getting one of lots of people who has been messaged. Respond to certain elements of their profile and maintain the message light and friendly. Also, remember to ask a question within the message to provide the person anything to respond to.

Finally, security is among the most important concerns in on the internet dating. It really is essential to keep in mind not to incorporate any private or private information inside the profile. By no means divulge private data like credit card numbers to any person, and hold info like residence address, email address and telephone numbers confidential until you are completely comfy and ready to. Meeting a person in particular person need to also only be carried Get more info out with caution. Meetings ought to take spot in public spaces, with all needed precautions taken.

With these guidelines and ideas, on-line dating could be a protected and effective endeavor for anyone. Most importantly, how you make a decision to proceed with online dating is totally dependent on private comfort levels. Go at your own pace, never ever do anything youre not comfortable with, and remember to have fun!

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